Wednesday, May 2, 2012

BREAKING NEWS

No really, that was the headline when I pulled up ABC.com's Bachelorette section today.  Apparently, the men that will be competing for the love of the beautiful Emily Maynard have been released.  Who cares about bombings in Afghanistan and another one of Obama's lengthy speeches... THIS is breaking news. Lets do a little run down of my faves, and my not-so-muches.

First and foremost, for those of you who do not know about Emily Maynard, shame on you! She is the beautiful yet tragic widow of the former Nascar driver Ricky Hendricks.


There are 25 lucky men vying for Emily's attention.. but there can only be one. DUN DUN DUN.
Here's a couple for your amusement:


Meet Alejandro. 
He's from Colombia.  When they started bringing foreigners into the game, idk. I can tell you right now, just the name is going to make sweet southern Emily send this boy packing the first night. If that doesn't do it, this would..

Mushroom farmer? Is that code for hallucinogen dealer? 
And what's this about you taking a picture of your mom with you to a deserted island? You could bring food and water.. but you bring a picture of your mom? That is either really cute, or really creepy.  I'm going with the latter.
Then you mention your mom, again.  Love your mom, thats necessary.  But momma's boys ain't cute.  That means she is probably a psycho control freak and you are a whiney little man child. 

NEXT! 
Then there's Alessandro. (this is starting to sound like a Lady Gaga song)
This one is from Brazil.  America must be running out of seemingly attractive men desperate for their 15 minutes of fame.  Don't even get me started on the hair.. 
Grain merchant.. don't they have any normal jobs, like doctors or lawyers, in foreign countries? 
Can't hate on the mom comment because that one is actually really sweet... until he basically says his woman better cook and clean for daddy. 
What exactly is electronic dancing? Like the robot? 
This is Chris. 
Young, handsome, has some hot shot corporate job in Illinois.  Sounds like a contender?  Until I saw this...

Your number one is Rascal Flatts? You are a shame to the male race. 
This is Jef. 
No, thats not a typo. His name is really that stupid. Kind of like his hair.  I don't even need to put his little bio up, because poor Emily wont get to that part before she is swept up by the tsunami going on on his head right now.  
Meet Joe.  
Or maybe it's Zack Morris.. still trying to decide. 
You own a truck and a hat.. therefore you are country?  P.S. NOTHING in Florida is considered the South.  They might as well knock off and become part of Cuba.  
One more thing, were all those exclamation points at the end necessary for emphasis or is he just super excited to be on the show? Either way, NEXT! 
This is Michael.  
I am just going to come out and say it, he looks like a lesbian. 
If he didn't look like one, the following would prove it:
This man is confused, send him home. 

Ok ok, I know. I have been tearing these poor guys apart.  There are some I like though! 2 of them.. out of 25.  Should be a good season! 

Here are my contenders...
Meet Brent. 
He's 41 and from Midland, TX.  A little old, yes, but no one can resist a nice southern man. Look at that face! You can tell he's a sweetheart. 
A sweetheart with 6 tattoos.  Ow Ow! He had me sold at "pulling the boat out." 

Meet Arie. 
Cool name, perfectly quaffed hair, blue eyes.. Ok the picture is a little creepy, but that can't be natural.  I am sure he will be way cuter on the show.  

Zoom in ladies... he's a race car driver. "And the winner is..."
Maybe this will be too hard for her to revisit, or maybe some animal instinct will kick in and she will have herself another race car drivin hubby.  He has 2 tattoos on his arm and ribs? Yatzee! 

I know that these are all based on pictures and the stupid questions that ABC makes them answer, so hopefully more of these guys will grow on me.  But I am calling it right now (I promise I didn't look a the spoilers), but these two are going far! 

Check out more about these dashing young lads here

6 comments:

  1. ha you and your shows...these people are CRAZY!!!

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    1. its like a train wreck.. i cant look away! Plus I LOVED emily in her season so I have to watch this one

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  2. Oh my gosh. You are spot-on with the Zach Morris one.

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    Replies
    1. I know! I cant look him in the face anymore! Its too much..

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  3. hahahaha...

    if zach morris and james van der beek had a baby...it would look like #5. the bachelor has CLEARLY taken a turn for the worse.

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  4. It is truly a great and helpful piece of information.
    I am satisfied that you simply shared this useful information with us.
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    breaking news

    ReplyDelete

I would LOVE to hear what ya think!